Monday April 3, 2017
It’s a snowy day in DC. President Donald and Ivanka Trump,
his chief of staff, are in the oval office working on the week schedule.
Ivanka: Mr. President, we have Angela Merkel visiting next
week. When would you rather have the press conference with her, next Tuesday or
Wednesday?
President Trump: Ugh….
Ivanka: Mr. President, next Tuesday or Wednesday?
President Trump: I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to meet
Merkel. In fact, I know that it makes sense for me not to meet her.
Ivanka: Why?
President Trump: Because she doesn’t like me. She will ask
me tricky questions, I know it. I know a bad deal when I see it.
Ivanka: But you never met her before.
President Trump: It doesn’t matter; we have a common friend
who told me she was unhappy that I was elected. Plus, who knows if she’ll be at
that period of the month. I don’t want to deal with that.
Ivanka: Dad! You cannot avoid meeting people you don’t like.
You created a huge diplomatic incident last month already when you went to Iraq
and refused to show up at a planned conference with their prime minister.
President Trump: Oh please. The guy hates me; he said so
during the general election. But I did well; in fact I did very well, by
holding that event in Baghdad instead.
Ivanka: You mean the event when you auctioned Iraqi oil to
raise money for the Mexico wall? It is their oil, not ours. It didn’t go that
well.
President Trump: of course it did, it was great. We got a
super deal. I know a good deal when I see one. Trust me, I am super
intelligent; I know what I am doing.
Ivanka: Mr. President, with all due respect, there is no
going around Angela Merkel, she is the most important leader in Europe!
President Trump: Who cares about Europe? They’re dead, I
tell you, they are dead.
Ivanka: The whole word cares about Europe. You will meet her
on next Tuesday, that’s it.
President Trump: No, no, no. Don’t do this to me.
Trump starts stomping his feet.
Ivanka picks up the phone on the President’s desk: please
bring us a tape of the Apprentice ASAP. The President is having another
tantrum, this will calm him down.
